Psychic Medium Riaan Swiegelaar

C o n n e x I o n s    C o l u m n 


Based on experience in his therapy practice, Riaan Swiegelaar gives us a clear understanding of relationship dynamics in our romantic, family & professional connections. This is his regular relationship feature… 


Lies we tell


How many times have we told ourselves little white lies and done this in our daily lives? When we exaggerate facts to be heard or receive some compassion. We say things like: “It’s killing me! “ “It’s a real drama!” “I never get any help! “   “I always have to do it all myself!” “I’ve asked you to do that 100 times! “. We also have a tendency to find false reasoning for our imperfect actions and mediocre performance: “Sorry I’m late, I was stuck in traffic” When the truth is we are late because we left later than planned and attended to something at the last-minute. Being late was therefore avoidable.

The problem is that by exaggerating or by not having true and right words we extinguish our integrity little by little (the same applies when we don’t honor our commitments).  We end up affecting the relationship we have with ourselves and with others. By not having the right words we end up doubting our own worth and we start to believe the little voice in our heads telling us that “We are not good enough or that something is wrong with us!” We end up limiting ourselves and our very own life.


Then there are lies we tell ourselves and the people we care about that don’t leave us with fond memories. Sometimes we don’t even know that we’re deceiving ourselves, family or friends. We think we have their best interest in mind, we’re selfish and/or we ignore what our gut is telling us in favor of the rosy picture our mind has painted over reality. Today I’d like to share with you five lies we commonly tell in relationships.


I’m Ready for a Relationship aka The Lie of Prematurity: Just because you’re ready for companionship doesn’t mean you’re ready to be in a committed relationship. Sometimes we get tired of a half-cold bed or worn down by not having someone to give us the warm and fuzzies. We see other people in happy relationships and want something similar for ourselves.But sometimes, we prematurely enter relationships and set ourselves up for failure. Deep down we know we may have unresolved issues or that we’ll be in a different place in six months, but we go into situations anyway just to have someone instead of the right one.


I’m Fine aka The Lie of “No I’m Not”: There are so many versions of this one that it could be an article in itself.  I’m sure you know this well.“I’m fine with this” when you verbally or non-verbally agree to a friends with benefits or booty buddy arrangement…then end up entangled in feelings that he has no interest in freeing you from.“I’m fine” when you’re genuinely bothered by something but don’t want to nag, smother or be emotional.More than anything else, “I’m fine” is a lie to yourself that can have detrimental consequences over time. You end up causing yourself pain, frustration and, in some cases, heartache.  Say “I’m fine” less and express yourself more.


I Love You aka The Lie of Security: It takes some people many years to distinguish between love, lust and fear of being alone (or losing contentment). It isn’t a lie to say I love you if you don’t know any better and think that it’s love, but when you say it knowing that your feelings don’t match the words, you are talking mayor k@k.


We Can Still Be Friends aka The Lie of Selfishness: When you meet someone and develop romantic interest from the jump, that’s typically all you will ever be. When you suggest friendship at the end of a relationship, it’s a subtle lie that can carry the consequence of hope for the other person. Being able to tell people “we’re still friends” is great. But if you’re not going to talk to each other the way you talk to your other friends, then it’s a lie.


Things Will Get Better aka The Lie of Faux Optimism: I really don’t intend to be a dooms day prophet, but there’s a reason that optimism is a blood relative of naiveté. Ever been in a declining relationship and kept telling yourself it would get better only to watch and endure it getting worse? We’d save ourselves and those we’re with a lot of heartache and pain if we called it quits when our intuition was telling us that it’s game-set-match.When you’d rather be with anybody or anywhere else other than with that person, but continue to tell yourself things will get better. You are lying to yourself. Have a conversation, press reset and get on with your life.


The mind is a powerful thing. By just thinking, dreaming, and imagining, we can begin to shape our worlds into anything we desire. Similarly, even when we feel like we have little control over what happens to us, we’re often subconsciously pulling things into our lives. And by focusing on our fears and maintaining negative thought patterns, the outcome tends to be exactly that. So what does this mean when it comes to our relationships, and what are some of the subconscious thought patterns that might be negatively affecting them? The good news is, once we acknowledge what we’re doing, it’s that much easier to change our lives for the better…


In the next issue:  Friendship


Riaan Swiegelaar is a Relationship Coach, Crystal Healer and a Intuitive Psychic. He runs a practice at the Far Hills Hotel. He can be contacted on 082 844 6588, or

Comments are closed.